6 dependents

would you rather…

August 24, 2009
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would you rather…. go bowling naked or lead an aerobic class naked?

have no teeth or have no toes?

say everything that came to your mind outloud or never talk again?

become a gamecock fan or have your leg sharpened by an enormous pencil sharpener?

watch your parents in the bedroom or have wax poured into your eye?

spend a week in jail or spend a week back in high school?

read my posts or slowly have your brain sucked from your head using straw.   (same thing it turns out)

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SQUIRRELS

August 21, 2009
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Imagine the life.  gathering nuts. climbing trees.  lots of chatty friends.  you can live where you want.  not sure if they marry, but I’ve seen baby squirrels. 

But they just can’t seem to cross a road very well.  Alot of indecision involved.  alot of bad decisions.  alot of death there.

Are they friends with the chipmunks?  come to think of it..Ive never seen squirrels really hanging out with other animals.  Do all the squirrels know that famous one that can water ski?

In the lower states they eat squirrels.  fried squirrel on a stick is big in L.A. (lower Alabama)

people that feed squirrels in parks are generally considered strange if not schizophrenic. 

I wanted to make a coat of squirrels when I was younger.  I only shot one with my bb gun so i made a bandana instead.

flying squirrels probably have it best. are there wild squirrels in the woods? 

just thinkingsquirrels


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QUIET?

August 18, 2009
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What the heck is quiet?  I literally have not a minute of my day that is quiet.  My radio is broken in my truck.  So…quiet right?  Me head..me head won’t shutup! AARRGGHHH!! See I’m talking like a pirate and actually pretending I have a wooden leg and a parrot.  I literally just did a jig in my office like a drunken pirate.

 

I don’t know if any else has constant noise or static in there heads like I do.  If my brain wasn’t so darn sharp I’m sure I could be a candidate for a padded room.  I’m quite sure my kids might take after me a bit.

Due to intermittent secret government experiments that were conducted on me in my youth mainly between the ages of 16-19 years of age, any time someone turns on an electric turkey baster near me- I wet my pants and forget who I am for about 30 minutes.  When I come to, the next few minutes I think i’m Jed Clampett. Jed-Clampett-SmilesNeedless to say, Thanksgiving has provided many fond memories for the family.

My point is pointless.  I had nothing to say but I said it anyway.  Where the heck is Elly May?


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25 days.9 hours.52 minutes. 30 seconds..29..28

August 11, 2009
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Clemson football is almost here.  I can hum Tiger Rag and I will get goosebumps.  Everytime.  Really, ask me when you see me.

My Dad is responsible for my love of Clemson.  In 1960 he bought his first season tickets.  He would bring my brother and me to every game from the ages of 4 or 5.  The tradition that he instilled in me that is Clemson Football has never left me.

I have missed 4 or 5  home games over the past 34 years.  I prefer not to talk about those.  The pain is still to fresh.  Time heals all wounds…they say…”they” have obviously never been to a Clemson game.

I digress, the point is traditions for families are important.  My Father is unable to attend games this year for the first time since 1960 because he is in Germany.  He is a retired Orthodontist but last April signed on for a three year tour on a US Army base in Baumholder, Germany.  He is straightening the teeth of our heros.  I love my Dad and miss him alot.  Here are a few highlights of his life-Inventor of Chinese football(I have no proof not to believe him) Cancer survivor (had his shoulder removed in 1970 the year I was born) 2 time Honorable Mention Intramural Football All American at center, battled a one armed man for the honor of his grandkids and the retrieval of their football (at a Clemson Game I might add), took me to every Clemson game (mom gets the props for the tailgating), never, not once, has he doubted me or withheld his support for me.

Anyway, football is 27 days away.  I would go to a game if I had a bear trap on my leg. 

Willy or Parker?  probably a little of both to start.  Clemson has of way of teasing you with expectations, but it is a great diversion sometimes to the rut of life. 

At least I can always count on stomping on the gamecocks head every year.  It is beginning to be a little boring.  No it’s not. I love it.clemsonfight


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Obama

August 8, 2009
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oiue2h  dduh doudueo eq eequi hddw dewsalko  fnbvoii  wqoihhfh fd iquwoijj ff ewouei2oiuf  ewjoiewoe  fdoiwqw eqiqoiejjowq0wi dc nvhei ew slkdsadkjiew dc hwsuhwhfi sgwyq w i d iwq d  woi  d  fuw d hfujwkjdhfwekj feh ihfi eww hoifhi ee ewwhfweou  csahuwq e ewqewhuwhf euo eou

If you can undertand that, then you can understand Obama. 

Thanks America.  Thanks for the change, everyday, literally, everyday something different than the day before.  His words pre election wooed you to sleep like a teenie weenie baby with a big warm bottle of CHANGE.  Socialism?  Or are we going to skip right into Communism?

Pwease brwing me a wittle bottle of warm milky mommy….p-wease.

Alright, I feel better.Pray Hard people!obama_superman_awesome


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Shrimp Wars

August 6, 2009
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After alot of soul searching I have decided to launch a team of people who are dedicated to the saving of the common shrimp-(any of several small, long-tailed, chiefly marine crustaceans of the decapod suborder Natania, certain species of which are used as food). 

I have become aware that due to certain ginormous restaurant chains who because of legal reasons we are going scramble the name of (der sterlob)-the shrimp may become extinct by the year 5698.  This is mainly due to “shrimp fest” and other all you can eat specials geared specifically at the tiny creature that as of this date has never intentually harmed a human. 

Yet we fry these babies up like they just don’ t matter.  then we dipped them in cocktail sauce and maybe then take a bite of a hush puppy and then a little nibble of cheesy biscuit…see…see they have us wrapped around their fingers like puppets. No more I say..I will take to the seas..I will disrupt the net boats..I will rally..I will protest…I will not rest until these innocent shrimp cover the seas like a blanket of locusts.

I need your help.  I need a boat to do this.  I need a very nice boat that has to look like a really nice fishing boat.  It will need to be a Boston Whaler around 30′ with down rigers and out riggers.  It must have fish finders, GPS, TV’s, and lot’s of fishing poles and such.  This way nobody will be suspicious. 

Please give.  Please give generously.  You can be a part of something that is bigger than you.  When you sleep at night you will know that the coastline is being protected and you may have saved a shrimp that very night.

Soon, with your help, when I get my boat-Operation Crustacean Liberation will launch into action and I will most likely get my own TV show.  Which is cool.  Cause it just is, and you know it.EVAC GALVESTON


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Tori and Dean

August 4, 2009
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Let me start by saying I don’t watch every episode, my wife does and so sometimes I get to hear it and I look over to see the TV during the show.

When I first heard of the show-I figured it would be awful.  I was not a 90210 regular and never really cared for Tori (she would have not been my favorite girly on the show), anyway, as my wife started watching and I caught a few episodes….it started to grow on me.

The fact of the matter is..I like Tori and Dean.  The actual people that is.  Now, I know we see what they want us to see, but they actually seem pretty normal.  They actually remind me a little of me and Angie. 

With the new Glam store open now and watching Angie juggle the kids and working, blogging, facebooking, twittering, marketing, networking her butt off to make the business successful-this reminds me of Tori who has about 10 businesses going at once because her peach of a mother cut her out of 800 billion dollars her dad had. 

And Dean-well he’s damn good looking like me-loves motorcycles and anything fast and dangerous, loves his kids and plays with them all the time-calls them all nicknames, has 10 diffent projects going at once, thinks his wife is a hottie  and pesters her constantly about having more lovin.

Now they certainly have more gay friends than we do-but that pretty much is the only difference.

Now I have to go-Have to grind coffee for Blackasscoffee company, fulfill two orders on Giftcardrecycle.com, update my facebook, meeting in Charlotte with investors, price a new job, design my home page for greenseed partners (carbon offset company I am starting), then eat lunch at somewhere fancy in Uptown Charlotte in case the paparazzi find me.  Peace

tori


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Whale Wars

August 3, 2009
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I watch this show.  But for only one reason.  I am patiently awaiting the episode when the captain of the Steve Erwin finlly drives his boat into an iceberg, flips his boat turning too fast, or just sinks it in some way only he could come up with.

These people are not shy to let you know they are WILLING TO DIE for their cause- Saving whales (underwater cows). 

Now>>>I don’t dislike animals-I have two dogs.  I used to have cats, but I’m not interested in doing that again.  I just can’t understand the obsession with the whales.  They hate the Japanese whale boats and try to disrupt the whaling operations.  But they suck at this. They try to get real close and throw stink bombs on the deck.  Again, they throw stink bombs on the deck.

The entire whale saving operation is in danger of failing because of the incredible, ingenious, far superior Japanese brain power has come up with a defense system so advanced it has stunned the whale huggers crew and sent shock waves through the whole organization.

They put up a net.  

They put up a net.

Holy Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!What do we do!!!!!How could they have done this!!!!!It is not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!Our stink bombs bounce right off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stayed tuned for the next episode when the captian says-I’ve got it!!!!!We are going to pee into water balloons and when they hit the dreaded net-they will burst into a thousand pieces and shower the Whale Killers with our poison urine!!!

Can’t wait.  Party Wed at 9pm.  I’ll bring the sushi. and lemonade


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Happy Birthday Sidney!

August 1, 2009
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2007-2008 029Sidney is 17 years old today.  I have spent my years as a Daddy protecting my little girl from the boogey man to boys from school to mean girls that live for drama in her classes. 

As it is becoming obvious that is now time to let her occasionally step out from under my umbrella and get her feet wet a little-It turns out this is as hard as watching her take her first steps and thinking she is going to bump her head on  table.

But I have discovered she is brave, smart, a very hard worker, and dispite all the usual bumped heads-she is going to be fine.  That doesn’t mean I won’t continue to hold the umbrella for her.  When I was 17, I thought I knew everything-I was wrong.

I love you Sidney.  I look forward to watching you blossom into a Young Lady and see how you are going to change the world.. Happy Birthday baby girl.


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Angie

July 30, 2009
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Has never worked this hard in her life.  this does not include raising the kids-I am simply referring to a job that could actually earn money. 

Glam Clothing has been in the works for a little over two months, but this seed has been growing for Angie’s whole life.  Fashion that is.  \

I would estimate over the years I have spent $47,980 on fashion magazines and I care not to talk about the clothes.  However, it is what she knows, what she does, who she is.  To clarify-This is a part of her-not her soul or meaning for life (that would be Jesus) but it does make her happy and could scratch her itch for shopping.  I mean..really..people just bring her the clothes now.  That’s cool.

All this said- I love you baby-I am proud of you and know Glam will be a success because you are involved.


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About author

Ongoing saga of Thomas Wirthlin. Jesus is Big, could be bigger. Hottie wife, 4 great kids and 2 dogs that are too human. Brain usually in a movie and live my life in my own screenplay.

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